Building up (again)

It's been a while since the last time I was here. I mean, seriously. I was used to check out the blog even though I wouldn't post anything. So, I'm trying. Now. Because writing, for me, is an exercise. One of the good ones, by the way. It's always been a way to do the cleaning inside my chest, throwing away all the dust, all the ashes. And I think I'm not the only one who misses that, my body does too. You know, It's complicated when your life is so busy that you don't have time to listen to you own thoughts. I was like that last week. So, life has a funny way to tell you that you're not in charge... then I fell. Not literally, thank God, because it would've hurt me more than what actually happened. But, my spine's got... stuck?! I guess that's the word. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I could only cry and... think. How ironic is that? You have to stop "putting the dirt under the rug", dear. Stop fooling yourself. You gotta deal, for real, with your own problems, pain, suffering and whatever else makes you sick to death. Again, not literally - again, thank God. So, let's get started...

I've had this fight with my mother. Not a big one. But we've actually talked to each other for a few minutes. At the time, I felt like garbage. Now, I think it was important, because we had't exchanged many words in months. So we stopped for a while and really listened to each other's voices. It was the most real and emotional thing that happened between us this whole year. I know that sounds sad. But the not-sad part is that I can realize that! I've had the opportunity of doing so! 

I've got an exam in college. Yeah. My lack of time to think made me do a test completely right and forget to fill in the answer sheet! Can you believe that?! I've got an exam because I didn't put my answers on a paper? I know! Ridiculous!!!! That's because my head was somewhere else. I'm not excusing myself, even because I'm writing for myself so it would be pointless, I'm just saying that I have to pay attention to every part of my life so I don't get swallowed by one of them.

Speaking of being swallowed by something, work has had the biggest part of me. I haven't had many jobs, only three in my whole life. But they're enough for me to realize a pattern: I give myself 'till a point that I can't handle it! Don't get me wrong, I admire being hardworking and I'll continue being like that. The difference from now on is that I'll include something really rare in my life: discipline! I'm gonna work my ass off when I'm at work. Then, I'm gonna have a life. I'm gonna have time to meet my friends and, maybe, have an ice-cream. I'm gonna have time to read for pleasure, study for college tests, do some research on whatever issue I feel like doing! I'm still gonna be a kickass professional, since I can only sleep at night because of that. But mostly, I'm gonna be a kickass person! I'm gonna take care of myself in a general way! I love my work, but I need to be healthy to face the challenges of it - and they're not few. And I'm not little! So, Let's find a balance. That's the goal - a balance!

Once I allowed the dirt to be all over my life, I'm supposed to start the cleaning process. Wish me luck! I could use some.